Radar+ / Not to worry about money
This article describes how best to deal with the worries you may have about money – especially in this time of financial crisis.

After a career of nearly thirty years at the same company, information specialist Gerrit Visser pores over supermarket flyers in search of cheap groceries. Mr. Visser and his wife live on benefits and are a thousand euros short every month. They supplement this with their savings. His greatest fear is that he will have to call upon his children.

Just a story from the newspaper in an article written to mark five years of the economic crisis. Stories like this are piling up: the photographer with half as many assignments, the successful restaurant that has had to close its doors, the management consultant who can barely get a foothold with clients anymore. Even if you are not directly dealing with the consequences of the crisis—which is quite possible: according to Statistics Netherlands, the purchasing power of the Dutch has only declined slightly over the past five years—it is still almost inevitable that you worry about money from time to time.


It is anything but fun, but that worrying is also an opportunity to take a closer look at your relationship with money. Your financial worries reveal a lot about your hang-ups, writes philosopher John Armstrong in his book *How to Worry Less About Money*. This makes sense, he believes: money has a profound and long-lasting effect on your life, it partly colors your identity, it determines your relationship with others, it can cause division between generations, it makes people generous or greedy, and it incites wise and utterly foolish actions. Freedom, power, status, work, and possessions—all themes connected to money. Because money plays such an important role in our lives, we must also worry about it, Armstrong writes. Financial worries only become problematic when you are not sufficiently able to answer a number of questions. For instance, you must have a clear understanding of exactly what you need money for. How much money is that, what is the best way to acquire it, and what financial responsibilities do you have towards others? Questions like this yield workable answers. Quite obvious, you might think. But because most people are not inclined to think about money in a rational way, many of us lack those clear and concrete answers. According to Armstrong, the reason for this clumsy and emotional behavior is that many people automatically withdraw from financial matters because it causes tension. After all: money is (almost) never just money. To find out what preoccupations lie behind that worrying, you have to curb that tendency to withdraw and analyze what you are really worrying about. Armstrong gives an example from his own life. When he looks at his car—a beat-up old thing—he starts worrying about money. Initially, this has to do with the fear of being stuck with that car for the rest of his life. When he thinks about it a bit further, he discovers that his worries have less to do with the car than with the way he treats it: had he taken better care of the car, the vehicle wouldn't look so miserable. A new car will face the same fate. When he looks at the car, he sees the consequences of his own laziness. That hurts.


I, too, generally have little desire to think about money – I therefore find Armstrong’s withdrawal hypothesis plausible. My partner and I sit down around the table on average once a month to discuss finances. It is out of a sense of duty that I pull up a chair next to his and pore over our income and expenses with him. But no matter how hard I pretend it is a joint effort, I must confess to my shame that I leave the thinking and calculating largely to him. Initially, I interpreted my aversion to money matters as laziness or stinginess – but by now I have enough arguments to claim, with good conscience, that I am neither lazy nor stingy. When I try to reason what triggers that tension or aversion, my instinctive answer is: the fear of not having enough. But even that isn't entirely accurate, because as a die-hard freelancer, I have had to lift myself up over that fear many times over. That has resulted in the cappuccino-beer safety net: my mantra that I can always froth cappuccinos and pour beers when I don't land enough assignments. Just like when I was a student.

And as I type that last sentence, it clicks: my handling of money betrays an aversion to growing up (to be clear: I am thirty-four and have two children, so it is about time). I have a student-style solution for my potential future money problems, and after having taken charge of my own finances for a few years, I am slowly shifting the responsibility onto my partner. I earn money, and so far, that is more than enough to keep the household running together with him. But he knows exactly what comes in and what goes out. I am not building up a pension ('next year'), and when I think about disability insurance, I cringe a little.

But then what? How does the knowledge that you consider yourself lazy or immature help? It works as follows: Because you have defused a psychological bomb, you can finally make a good and solid calculation of what you need and assess whether you have sufficient income for it. If you have too little, you can ask yourself whether you could obtain more money in another way. Finally, you must set priorities. To define those priorities wisely, it is good to distinguish between things you really need and things you want. The things you need are not necessarily items necessary for survival, such as food and a roof over your head. What matters is whether what you want contributes to the quality of your life. That has nothing to do with the price. A professional violinist who wants an extremely expensive bow may conclude that that is what he needs. The crucial question is whether the purchase helps you to flourish. This might sound a bit pretentious, but it is an essential difference when someone wants s

People who know what is important to them in life can adjust their spending habits accordingly. A family that values ​​long-distance travel passes them by on expensive gadgets. A couple buys an estate in France because they are architecture enthusiasts and both change jobs to be able to afford their new home. Yet another couple chooses to live in a large house with a garden because they value space for their children. They cut back on dinners out and extravagant clothing. When you manage to arrive at a priority list that enables you to lead a life that aligns with your values—your ideas about what makes existence meaningful—then it is easier to cut back on other expenses. For a woman for whom that one month in Thailand a year is essential to her well-being, it is no big deal to forgo an expensive pair of shoes. A guitarist is happy to cut corners for that one guitar. And someone with a love for beautiful clothes happily spends her last penny on a special dress, even if that means she has to cut back significantly on groceries that month.

Money worries are often associated with a feeling of chaos. If you dare to look at the source of that chaos, you can sit down calmly and keep organized records. And if you are also able to determine where you prefer to spend your money, you will find that you do not need much money for a good and rich life.omething – let's say a classic car – because his neighbor has one too and it looks good, or because he has a long-standing love and fascination for old cars.

Alice Petersen (36), freelance designer and mother of three.
RadarPlus Spring 2013 Insert ‘Even though we have never had to borrow money or lived on a diet of dry bread, I regularly worry about money. More than my husband. That is probably because until recently he earned all the money and I cannot influence what comes in. I was really done with that, and that is partly why I started working again. But anyway, in the short term I can never earn as much as he does, so the dependency remains. With a family of five, a shipload of money leaves the house every month. Sometimes I wake up worrying. Until I realize for the umpteenth time that worrying doesn't make me any richer. Then the churning continues for a while, but eventually it stops again. Suppose we never really get into trouble, then it would be a shame if I had worried my whole life. My husband doesn't think my worries are realistic. I don't think his carefree attitude is realistic. He would calmly go on vacation abroad with our last money and then buy a new computer. And then quitting his job and going freelance with hardly any savings. That makes me feel incredibly anxious. Now, finally—to please me—we are going on vacation to a friend's cottage and we aren't buying a new computer. Furthermore, we are cutting back by eliminating the extras: having a babysitter come less often, for example. My husband doesn't like that because it means we see each other less: if I go out, he has to be home, and vice versa. Other cost-cutting measures include getting less coffee or eating out. Going to Dirk instead of Albert Heijn. Making cheap pasta dishes more often instead of salmon. One evening, patching the children's pile of ripped trousers with knee patches instead of throwing them away and buying new ones. Hardly drastic changes, yet they feel satisfying. I would have more trouble cutting back on music lessons or sports clubs, but that would be the next step.’

Advice from psychologist and life coach Jeannette Bolck
‘First of all, create an overview: what do you need, what is coming in, and what are you lacking? Then you know where you stand. The second step is to examine your ideas and thoughts about your situation. Worrying about money usually means that your thoughts do not correspond with reality. For example: ‘I have to earn more money otherwise I won’t make ends meet.’ A well-known method from cognitive behavioral therapy is to examine these thoughts for their truthfulness. What are the facts that support the thought? Which facts contradict the thought? If you consistently ask yourself these questions and can formulate a factual answer, you will notice that the belief in the negative thought diminishes. Another important tip is: allow yourself the emotions that financial matters evoke in you – irritation, nervousness – but do not attach any conclusions to them. Let them be what they are: feelings. You let go by focusing on what is happening now, and learning to recognize thoughts about things that might happen as irrational. The feelings are real, but the ideas on which they are based are merely unfounded thoughts. By consistently making that distinction, it gradually becomes easier to distinguish feeling from thought, and you can let the feeling be what it is more. Taking your emotions too seriously costs energy. As a result, your mental resilience decreases, and you are more prone to catastrophizing. If there is indeed cause for concern, be practical and seek advice from a professional: a financial coach or an accountant, for example. This may mean that you need to make some serious adjustments: living in a smaller home, working more, or changing jobs. Also useful: talk about your money worries with others; see if you can learn something. Furthermore, it is good to move and exercise when you worry a lot: by moving, you keep your brain active and creative.