LIS / “You got a minute..?” Two Minute Therapy
This time, a young woman whose boyfriend cheated on her when she was pregnant. She wants to give the relationship a chance, but still finds it difficult to trust him.

DO YOU HAVE A MOMENT?

Are you dealing with a tricky issue, but don't have time to seek extensive expert advice? No worries, psychologist and coach Jeannette Bolck came up with Two Minute Therapy. After an intake, clients can leave a message on her voicemail when they get stuck, after which Jeannette also provides advice via voicemail.

This time to Debby (30). Her boyfriend cheated on her during her pregnancy. She wants to give the relationship a chance, but still finds it difficult to trust him. Debby:

“Hi Jeannette, it’s Debby. Last night I was sitting at home waiting for Steven; the little one was finally asleep and I was exhausted. Then I got a text asking if I was okay with it being a bit late. He wanted to grab a beer with the guys… Well, what can I say? I don’t want to be a nag. So I texted back: go ahead, I’m going to sleep soon anyway. Then I sat alone in front of the TV and my mind started racing. I just didn’t trust it. I felt like crying! I saw on Facebook that *she* had ‘checked in’ at the same pub as him! I called him immediately and completely lost it! Then he came home and we had a massive fight. He kept insisting that he was with the guys and hadn’t even spoken to her. Did I go too far with my behavior?” Coach Jeannette:

“Hi Debby. What a rough evening you’ve had! It is asking a lot of you that he goes out for an unplanned evening after what you’ve been through. And I can imagine that after taking care of your son all day, you would like some help and company. You are not being a nag for asking this. It is important that you can be honest with him about how you feel. Just now you put on a brave face and put yourself last. As a result, you felt even more miserable, the sadness over his cheating surfaced, and you started looking for proof of your fear that it might happen again. Ultimately, that takes you far away from yourself and from him. You are building trust in your relationship. Talk to him about yourself and not about her. Tell him how hard it is for you to process the grief and anger over his cheating. He needs to realize that trust has been damaged and that he needs to do his best. Right now, he seems to be choosing himself on an evening like this… Think about how you can truly connect with each other more often. I see you Thursday, then we'll talk more. Good luck!

Text: Anne Brem